I always spend the last day of the year re-reading my journal from the previous year and thinking about the direction I'm heading. 2006 has been a great year for me in my inner growth:
The Dimensional Tarot.
I discovered the Tarot last year in a profound new way by beginning to craft my own deck. I've read the cards since a spiritual teacher of mine taught me back in 1976, but I've never owned the underlying principles as I have through wrestling with the inner meanings of the cards. By the end of 2005 I had finished a first draft of the Major Arcana using some 3D photorealistic software to create the images. As 2006 unfolded the software I used took a dramatic leap forward. I wrestled with it and with my images for the middle part of the year. By August I developed new techniques that gave me a quantum jump forward in quality and depth of image - and I realized that I needed to rework all of the cards I'd finished in 2006. I now have another set of eyes - my photographer friend Diane Kaye - on each image to help me keep the artistic integrity high. I'm calling it The Dimensional Tarot, and I'm pleased to share with you my rendering of The High Priestess (Major Arcanum II). I'm looking forward to continue my exploration and creation of the Major Arcana this year. I intend to complete the deck - who knows how long that might take!
The Alchemical Marriage. In late 2006 I read The Translucent Revolution. In the chapter on Translucent Sex I had to assess that I'd moved away from my best in my relationship with John. I'd become far too focused on me: what should I be doing, how should I... and so on. It's always a process of remembering what I've already known: I'd studied an alchemical emblem many years ago that helped me understand the esoteric meaning of relationship. Along the way I forgot what I knew. In a flask a king and queen sit naked, embracing. Around them dew collects and clouds appear above. A dove hovers above the couple. What's all this mean?
I believe it shows the way to what I call the Alchemical Marriage. A third entity - a spiritual one - arises during spiritually focused sex. That's the dove. The dew that rises and falls shows the flux of emotional energy - it's a roller-coaster, not a smooth ride. And the hermetically sealed flask means the relationship must itself be sealed to prevent the dove - the spiritual essence - from escaping.
I needed to stop focusing on 'I' and to start focusing on letting this spiritual essence arise. Once I got my head out of the way, things began to move in a magnificent way. I designed a ritual to help me get myself out of the way so that this spiritual essence could manifest. The result has been more astonishing that I could have imagined. My goal in 2007 is to continue this spiritual creation and the accompanying physical healing.
Ritual work. I do neo-pagan rituals of my own design, and I have since the early 1990s. I got a little weird during 2006 and blended some symbols from mathematics with my own interest in sigil-based magic. I call it the transformational matrix, and I've been thrilled with how it's worked so far.
A sigil is a graphic designed with a magical intent in mind. There are many ways to create a sigil, but my favorite is to blend together the letter-forms of the significant word or words. Many references say to create a sigil to symbolize a magical purpose. I worked out something a bit different using the analogy of a mathematical matrix.
A matrix is an array of numbers or symbols, and matrices can multiply themselves to create a new matrix. What I did was to create a matrix of sigils, each representing part of the matter at hand. But I went a bit farther. Rather than only create sigils for my goal, I created sigils for the current state, too. And I added in a transformational matrix - one that is initially blank - that transforms the current sigils into the goals. In ritual I open myself to both sets of symbols, and at some point a new set of symbols appears - totally unrelated to anything I've drawn consciously. These form the transformational matrix, and its this set that I use in subsequent meditations. The results for me have been profound. I'll post more on how each step goes so you'll get an idea of how to do it.
Inner work. Pronoia calls it Schizofrendia: when the little voices inside your head are genuinely helpful and nurturing. I didn't realize anyone else on the planet worked with inner guides when I started in 1980 at the age of twenty-four. I know a little more now...
I returned to working with inner guides this year in a strange way. I happened onto a book presenting channeled teaching that was very popular in the metaphysical world. I thought it was junk - and I was unhappy that I'd not presented what I was learning during the late 80's. After I completed a body of very deep work in the early 90's, I stopped completely. Part of that was my shift to open to a new relationship at the physical level. That took several years to manifest and to gel. Now my relationship with John has entered a new level, I'm beginning to work within again.
My new cutting edge... I've not manifested my right livelihood, and that's where I want to head. I've been doing computer software since 1978. I love doing it, but I don't love doing it for someone else. I'd like to run my own shop again; I did from 1991 through 1994. My real goal this year is to manifest a new way of working, and to create my own business. I'd love to do my art for a living, but I know how hard that is by watching John's constant effort as a full-time artist. I'd also like to be of service - possibly doing something metaphysically-inclined. So I'm doing my inner work, and starting some explorations.
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